I think every Black woman in America has read this book by now! As my dear soror (and twin!) Bridgett said - it's pretty commonsensical, but a great read, nonetheless. Every girl or woman who grew up without a father in their life needs to read this book! I think I was a bit behind the times in understanding men - but this book and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus helped get me caught up.Even though there were some things in this book that hurt to hear (like the selection below) - I am so appreciative to have heard them. I can't believe how much I beat myself up thinking it was me when a guy stopped calling ... when, really, it was my values - and if he doesn't share the same values, what do I need with him, anyway? I'm not perfect; but I've got a lot of great qualities. I love to cook; I care a lot for the man I'm with; I'm supportive; loyal; I play the piano; speak three languages ... if a man is so focused on sex that he can't see past that to all the good qualities that I do have, then he's got some physiological condition that he needs to learn to control ...
"[W]hen a man asks for sex, and he is told no, his reaction to that no will tell you everything you need to know about him. If the phone calls cease or become infrequent, the flowers stop coming, the dating slows down, please understand that this man was just in it for the sex. If he says something stupid, such as, 'I don’t need to wait for sex—I can get it from anybody,' you tell him right back, 'Please do.' This cuts the riffraff away right away. But if your saying no doesn’t deter him, and he continues to try to get to know you better and prove to you that he’s worthy of your benefits, then he’s really, truly interested in you. Don’t get me wrong: he’s still interested in the sex. But he’s also interested in knowing how you feel and what time frame you’re working on. Then the relationship becomes about what you want—what your needs are. And that’s what you’re after, right?"
Right!!!
Comments? ... feel free ...
I'm so glad that you found this new bible--the Harvey bible. It's not just for black women--goes across ethnicities and race. Remember, men are, as Harvey says, the same and simple.
ReplyDeleteBTW, is that a photo of a spa in Budapest? Really lovely. Did you know that there's a library in Egypt named Alexandria? : ) And the name "Alexandria" is anapestic iambic pentameter.
Aphalos
Apparently Aphalos didn't read your blog introduction on the left side!
ReplyDeleteYou might like the "woman's answer" to this book, Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Woman.
ReplyDelete