In a similar vein as Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but written more for women, Dr. Kevin Leman breaks down what men need in relationships and explains how women can improve at giving it to them. I know that sounds like it's a book about how to be a subservient doormat to your man ... but it's really more a manual of how to get what you want (and deserve!) in your relationship!Each chapter covers a different thing that men "won't tell you, but you need to know" - though I don't know that each "thing" was ever summed up in one sentence. At any rate, a common theme throughout the seven chapters is that men, at their cores, need three things: to be loved, to be respected, and to be needed.
My favorite chapter discussed men and sex. According to Dr. Leman (who, by the way, wrote this book from a very Christian perspective), sex is energizing and is the driving force behind a man. It builds his confidence and ego and improves his overall sense of well-being. "If he's in an unfulfilling job, he gets the strength to keep on doing what he's doing because he knows that there is a purpose for his work ... and a willing wife waiting as a reward at the end of his long day." Amazing how men and women can both be of the same species (scientifically speaking) but can view something like sex so differently! [Sidenote - I hope there's a book out there for men on what sex means for women!] Anyway, Dr. Leman also said this:
It's been said that women need a reason for sex. Men only need a place . . . . Men are wired by God to enjoy the feminine form. It's normal for a man who loves his wife to walk by another beautiful woman in a red dress and think, Wow, she's gorgeous. Or for him to turn his head in a restaurant to follow a young woman in a red miniskirt. The wife who thinks, How could you? That's so dirty! is missing the point. The wife who thinks, Hey, so he notices women in red? Mmm, what do I have in my wardrobe? has grasped the point. Later, she will undoubtedly grasp her husband's full attention by wearing that red little something she's got tucked in the back of her closet.
I know, it's much easier said than done to think like that!
In the chapter about men's need to be respected, Dr. Leman breaks down the apostle Paul's rules for marriage in Ephesians, including the verse that people often forget: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." He also gives a very helpful list of rules about how to fight fairly (if you have to fight):
1. Remember that fighting is an act of cooperation.
2. Stay on the subject at hand.
3. Don't be a bone digger, bringing up past stuff.
4. Avoid the words you and never, as in "You never listen to me!"
5. Face each other and hold hands.
6. Have one person talk at a time. Do not interrupt.
7. When one person's done, the other person can respond.
8. After that exchange, clarify only if the issue needs to be clarified (i.e., someone has the wrong perception). Don't kill a dead horse.
9. If things get too hot, call a time out. Kids need recess, and you may too!
10. Don't avoid the topic. After your break, tackle it again the same day. Do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26).
It's been a while since I've read Men are from Mars so I can't say whether to read that book or this one, but I highly recommend this book for all women - single or taken!
