16. Blink - Malcolm Gladwell

(1) One of the best books I've ever read, and (2) my new favorite author.
Blink is about rapid cognition, or the type of thinking that happens in the "blink" of an eye. Gladwell uses the term "thin slicing" to describe how you can figure out what's going on in a situation by taking just a thin slice of the experience - observing for a very short time. He talks about this psychologist who can observe a conversation between a husband and wife for fifteen minutes and can predict with 90% accuracy whether that couple will be married fifteen years later (umm, why do marriage counseling? why not just talk to this guy?).
Gladwell gives so many GREAT stories about examples of his theory - gender associations, the Amadou Diallo incident and police decisions to use deadly force, branding and marketing, and profiling (racial and other). Do you know why police departments often have their officers patrol alone these days, rather than with partners? "When police officers are by themselves, they slow things down; with a partner, they speed things up." I.e. with a partner, they're more inclined to act without thinking. I'll add my own two cents and say there's probably some ego at play, too. Gladwell theorizes that people can become "temporarily autistic" in some situations where they're unable to read situations and act blindly.
This seemed a lot like "intuition" to me ... but in an interview with the author, he says that he doesn't like the word "intuition" (and actually doesn't use it once in his book) because it's more of an emotional, irrational reaction - what he's talking about is completely "rational," just done very quickly. You just have to learn what signs to look for in a matter of seconds.

This is the second book I've read by this guy - and I've read each in one sitting. The substance is fascinating and he's a phenomenal writer (very readable and witty). Actually, the moment I finished this one and put it down, I realized I hadn't stood up or eaten for five hours! Outliers is on deck ... when's this guy coming out with another book??

*Want to do a really interesting test on your perceptions of people of different races, religions, personalities, etc.? Go to https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/ . It might tell you a lot about yourself ...

15. Why is Sex Fun? The Evolution of Human Sexuality - Jared Diamond

"Why are humans one of the few species to have sex in private? Why do humans have sex any day of the month or year - including when the female is pregnant, beyond her reproductive years, or between her fertile cycles?" These were some of the questions on the back of this book that made me interested in reading it.
The author did share some interesting tidbits of information - like how humans are in a small minority of the animal world because female ovulation (basically, when a woman can get pregnant) is almost impossible to detect. The author also explains signs that female animals of different species use to attract males; and how in humans those signs include large muscles on men and fatty deposits on women in "appropriate places" (breasts, butt).
This was an okay book, but it was clearly written by a guy with a Ph.D. in physiology and membrane biophysics." It's called The Evolution of HUMAN Sexuality - but he talked so much about baboons, seahorses, and all other kinds of random animals! I think he tried to make it sound "hip" by including Why is Sex Fun? in the title, but what was in the book didn't really match up. Even if it remained written from a scientific perspective, it would have been more readable if it had just focused on humans.

14. Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare

This was my second attempt at Shakespeare - I liked Macbeth, but Much Ado About Nothing was so-so to me. It was supposed to be a comedy, but it seemed like a lot of convoluted stories and perhaps the 16th century upper class humor was a bit over my head!
One story line is about two characters, Claudio and Hero, who are supposed to get married. But Don John decides to play a trick and makes it look like Hero slept with another man on the day of her wedding to Claudio. Claudio abandons Hero at the altar, and Hero's family pretends that she's dead while they wait for the truth to come out about what really happened. Eventually, everyone learns that Hero is innocent and Hero and Claudio get married.
There is also another story line between Beatrice and Benedick. Beatrice's friends convince her that Benedick is hopelessly in love with her, and she takes pity on him and then falls in love with him; Benedick's friends do the same to him. Beatrice and Benedick, and Claudio and Hero have a double wedding.
There seems to be a lot of deceit in both Much Ado and Macbeth - it's interesting that the deceit in this play leads to good ends. Is it okay to deceive is there is a good consequence in doing so?

13. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I, like many people, read this book in high school ... it seemed like such a great book back then (maybe because it was short?) but now I'm not really sure why I liked it so much. It's set in the 20's and is about a guy named Nick who moves in next door to a guy named Gatsby who is in the bootlegging business. Gatsby throws these lavish parties and calls everyone "old sport" (I like that - I think I might start doing that). He and Nick become friends, and Gatsby starts liking one of Nick's married friend's, Daisy. Daisy's husband Tom is having an affair of his own - but becomes enraged when he learns of Daisy's relationship with Gatsby.
I won't spoil the ending for anyone who hasn't read it ... if you're looking for a quick read of an old classic, I'd recommend this book - but for me to really give a book five stars, it has to be a fabulous story, or really thought-provoking. To me, this book was neither. To me, it was just a well-written story.

12. The Republic - Plato

I'm not going to lie. This was incredibly difficult to read. Even more so than Shakespeare! I wish I had read this in a philosophy class, so I could have had a professor help me along with it. His style is sort of like Descartes' (more accurately, Descartes' is like his) in that he proposes different theories and eliminates the ones that don't work until whatever does work is remaining. It's written in the form of a dialog.
Part of this book was Plato's attempt at defining justice. As an attorney, I should have been really feeling that ... but for much of the book, although my eyes were moving, I had no idea what I was reading. He proposes the ideas of returning debts owed, and helping friends while harming enemies - but ultimately concludes that those definitions are inadequate in some situations.
He then moves into discussing justice in the city (i.e. government), which Socrates (remember, it's written as a dialog) suggests may help them see justice in the person, but on a larger scale.
Plato also asserts that the power of wisdom is possessed most abundantly in kings and philosophers, and that others should accept the authority of those wise and morally superior leaders.
Again - this is of course a classic, but it'd be best to read it with a philosophy professor (or maybe a "morally superior leader").

11. The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran

The Prophet is a simply beautiful book of poetry, written as a story about a mysterious "prophet" who is leaving a place and wishes to offer the people gifts; but instead offers them his knowledge on many different topics, including love, marriage, children, pain, and freedom. There are so many lessons to be learned from this poetry, although much of it seems very simple. When a friend is going through a hard time, this is one of those books that you can pick up and find something beautiful and supportive to share with him or her. From "On Pain":

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears."

One thing I do not understand is the selection entitled "On Marriage" ...

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow."

It sounds beautiful. But I was troubled when I saw the author's drawing that went with this piece.

Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong ... but why is there a naked woman in the foreground of the painting? Is she supposed to represent the "winds of the heaven"? If so - why do they have to be in the form of a naked woman? And why isn't she coming from the skies, or from heaven - why is she coming from the ground? To me, it looks like the woman is interrupting the marriage; like Gibran is saying to maintain your individuality and not be so wrapped into each other, and so it's okay if you cheat on your wife. How else could I interpret that drawing?

10. Developing Intuition: Practical Guidance for Daily Life - Shakti Gawain

This book was a decent, quick read ... although to be completely honest, I don't think it said much beyond the basics. Maybe I've read one too many Deepak Chopra or Wayne Dyer books - but it seemed fairly elementary to me.
Gawain talks a lot about how everyone is born with intuition; though most of us are taught to suppress it starting an early age. "Since our culture tends to deny or devalue the intuitive function ... for a majority of people it is a disowned or relatively underdeveloped self, while rationality is often one of the primary selves." I agree with this - especially for those of us "overeducated, right-brained thinkers" (as I've once been called). She offers some meditation techniques to help to get in tune with your intuition and to refine it.
I think intuition can be linked to faith, as well - maybe both faith in God, and faith in yourself.
An interesting point about emotions and intuition: "One reason that woman are often considered to be more intuitive than men is that women have been more culturally supported to be in touch with their emotions. Since they are generally more comfortable in the inner realm of feelings, it is easier for many women to stay in touch with their intuition. (Interestingly enough, however, it is often difficult for women to trust themselves enough to act on their intuitive feelings)."

9. Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Although it took me a chapter or so to get into it ... this ended up being one of the best books I have ever read.
The story is about a man, Florentino Ariza, who falls in love with a woman by the name of Fermina Daza while they are both teenagers. They write each other love letters for years, and Fermina says that she will marry him - but then her father sends her away when he finds out about Florentino, who is not of the same class as them. Soon, Fermina falls out of love with Florentino and ends up marrying another man - a doctor.

Florentino is not discouraged, and vows to wait for her - even if he has to wait as long as it takes for her husband to die. At first, he says he's going to save his virginity for her - but after he has sex for the first time, he realizes that "his illusory love for Fermina Daza could be replaced by an earthly passion." And so he starts a notebook which is inconspicuously labeled "Women." "His first notation was the Widow Nazaret. Fifty years later, when Fermina Daza was freed from her sacramental sentence, he had some twenty-five notebooks, with six hundred and twenty-two entries of long-term liaisons, apart from the countless fleeting adventures that did not even deserve a charitable note."

Despite Florentino's promiscuity, he does chase after Fermina for 50 years - "fifty-three years, seven months, and eleven days and nights," to be exact. On the very night of Fermina's husband's funeral, Florentino shows up at her house and tells her, "Fermina ... I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century, to repeat to you once again my vow of eternal fidelity and everlasting love." I won't spoil the ending :)

Could we, today, truly love so selflessly?? To promise your undying love to someone, and to literally wait for a half century until you can be with them - even if that means foregoing marrying and having a family of your own? Is that romantic and demonstrating the utmost devotion (notwithstanding the fact that Fermino was certainly handling his "earthly passions" in the meantime) - or is it just plain crazy?

I don't think most of us could do that. I'd likely give up, eat a gallon of Haagen Dazs, block my lost love's emails, change my phone number, and move on.

This was a simply beautiful story. No wonder the author won a Nobel Prize for literature (for One Hundred Years of Solitude). Surprisingly - the movie was fabulous, too, and seems to have been fairly accurate. If you don't have the patience for reading the book (which is a bit long) - do rent the movie. You won't be disappointed!

8. The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell

The idea of "the tipping point" is sort of like the straw the broke the camel's back. It's the handful of people who suddenly make a fashion statement cool; or an event in the news that suddenly drives crime dramatically down in a big city. "Look at the world around you. It may seem like an immovable, implacable place. It is not. With the slightest push — in just the right place — it can be tipped."
Gladwell's theory is that you need three things to reach the tipping point ... (1) the law of the few, (2) the stickiness factor, and (3) the power of context. The law of the few is like how 20% of people do 80% of the work; 20% of beer drinkers drink 80% of the beer; a handful of sexually active people spread the most diseases; etc. One anecdote he gave was how a woman in NY was brutally attacked and 38 people saw and didn't call 911 ... apparently when there are a lot of people observing something bad happening, everyone thinks that someone else will call for help; but if just one person sees something, then that person is much more likely to call the police themselves.
What does that mean for me in Atlanta? If something bad is happening to me ... do I try to single out one person, make eye contact, and say, "YOU! Call the police!" Hmm.

Gladwell also talks about how if you make a list of everyone you know, chances are a small handful of people introduced you to most of those people. That small handful of people are called "Connectors" - or "social butterflies," as my mom would call them.

If anyone knows any of these Connectors here in Atlanta, let me know ...

All in all, a great book - I've added Gladwell's other well known books, Blink and Outliers to my list to read, too.

7. For One More Day - Mitch Albom

This is an amazing writer. Both books I've read by him - this, and The Five People You Meet in Heaven - will have you feeling the story he tells; the scenes he describes; and the emotions of the characters. Thanks to Ariel for this recommendation (at least, the author - this was the only book by him that the Sandy Springs Public Library had on the shelf :)
For One More Day is about a man named Charley (a.k.a. Chick) whose life has steadily gone downhill ... and after his only daughter doesn't invite him to her wedding, he decides to commit suicide. Check out this beautiful writing ...

"Apparently, through my drinking, depression, and generally bad behavior, I had become too great an embarrassment to risk at a family function. Instead, I had received that letter and two photographs, one of my daughter and her new husband, hands clasped, standing under a tree; the other of the happy couple toasting with champagne.
It was the second photo that broke me. One of those candid snapshots that catches a moment never to be repeated, the two of them laughing in midsentence, tipping their glasses. It was so innocent and so young and so ... past tense. It seemed to taunt my absence ... This time, my little girl would not take my hand and comfort me; she belonged to someone else. I was not being asked. I was being notified."

In the chaos after Charley's suicide attempt fails, he encounters his mother - who had died eight years earlier - and Charley gets the chance to fix things with her, seek forgiveness, and learn family secrets, like about why his father left when he was younger - for which he had always blamed his mother.

A fantastic read for anyone - and it will especially touch those who grew up in a single parent home.

6. The Moments, the Minutes, the Hours: The Poetry of Jill Scott - Jill Scott

This isn't something I normally would have picked up - but great recommendation, Megan! Jill Scott's poetry is moving like her music, and touches on everything - love, breakups, femininity, church, etc. She's very real - took me aback, sometimes. Three of my favorites (to demonstrate the "realness") ...

Untitled #1 (Love Sucks)
You constantly break me down,
Cut me open and turn me inside out
Therefore, my feelings are equal to hell
Their foulness haunts me like a backed-up cesspool
Reeking of used tampons
Vomit
Baby diarrhea ditties
Drunken old man's piss
And filth.
Despite the stench
Despite the nausea
I love you still
Please call soon,
Love,
Dummy.

Haiku #5
I hear them say it
Cuss words ain't for no lady
But sometimes shit's real

Carried Away
I wasn't ready to be your mother
Your main and only source of support.
I wasn't prepared to give you all you needed
All that I wanted to give
But I had always dreamed of when I would be
When I could be your mommy
When I would know your smile
The red, yellow, brown of your skin
The texture of your hair
The innocence in your eyes
I dreamed of when i would know your scent
The red alarm siren in your cry
The warmth of your little presence
I always dreamed that I would show you to the world
Educate you about it and the world I try to create for you
I had always dreamed of you
But you came too soon
My pocket and my body just waren't ready for you
So you left
Without notice
Without prepration
Without choice
Gone
Just gone
I never had the chance to acknowledge you while you were here
With me
And there is still the nagging grief
For you whom I did not meet
Gone
Gone before I had a chance to say hello.

5. The Tragedy of Macbeth - William Shakespeare

My first voluntary try at Shakespeare. The language is addicting, let me tell you. For some odd reason, the day after I finished reading this, I walked into the leasing office of my apartment complex to drop off a DVD I borrowed ... and the manager said, "What hast thou for me?" I mean, was he reading Macbeth last night, too? So naturally, I replied, "Hark! A DVD!"
Well, apparently that was a bit over his head. He looked at me like I was crazy. I mean, don't dish it if thou can't taketh it! ...
Someone should do a modern remake of this story, if it hasn't been done already. It was significant to me how much power Lady Macbeth had over Macbeth - I mean, Macbeth never even wanted to become Thane of Cawdor and "king hereafter" ... but Lady Macbeth basically buttered him up and convinced him to kill all these people so he could become king.
From Act 1, Scene 7:
"What beast was't, then,
That made you break this enterprise to me?
When you durst do it, then you were a man;
And to be more than what you were, you would
Be so much more the man. Nor time nor place
Did then adhere, and yet you would make both."

It almost seems like a similar story to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden ... do women really have that kind of power over men???

4. From the Browder File: 22 Essays on the African American Experience - Anthony T. Browder

This is a collection of essays published in the Washington Afro-American newspaper by Anthony T. Browder in the '80s. Lots of great information about the amazing technology, literature, etc. that came out of Egypt; also contemporary issues like African Americans and our (often horrible) diet and even Tiger Woods and Michael Jackson.

In my opinion - Tavis Smiley should have read this book before putting together America: I Am. It talks about Masons; the symbolism of the dollar bill; how we've been brainwashed to believe that black is negative and white is positive (did you know that people did not start wearing black at funerals to symbolize death - they wore it because black was a symbol of strength, and the family members of the person who passed on would wear black to try to find strength to deal with the pain of their loss?); etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed America: I Am ... but there are so many beautiful and amazing stories that came out of Africa - we are a brilliant people! Slavery isn't the only thing we were good for.

Some interesting selections:
"The term [education] is derived from the Latin educere , meaning to bring out. The process of education is therefore the process of bringing out knowledge which is already inside you. This age-old methodology was first developed and cultivated by our African foreparents in ancient Egypt."

From the essay entitled Television and its Influence on African American Children: "With the increased popularity of 'reality based programming,' music videos, and exploitative shows like Jerry Springer, we can expect our children [and us!] to be turned into 'short-attentioned spanned, socially inept, media junkies.'
Didn't you know that television is addictive? The more you watch the more you need to watch. Didn't you know that television is not benign. The steady stream of radiation, light and sound emanating from the set is absorbed into your body like a sponge. Once it gets outside of your head, the words, images and sounds reconfigure your thoughts and influence your behavior. They don't call the shows programs for nothing."

From the essay Eat, Drink and Be Merry ... "Many people don't know it, but the worst possible food you can put into your body is meat. The human digestive tract is not designed to process meat. Any food which stays in your body for more than 8 hours is going to cause problems. It takes meat an average of 90 hours to be digested. During that time, undigested pieces of meat will remain in the colon and rot, sending toxins into the body, which slowly kill you." [Browder's recommendation: eat organic chicken and fish.]

3. Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal - Julie Metz

An amazing story about a woman whose husband passes away, leaving her with their little girl ... a few months after he dies, she finds out about his numerous affairs during their marriage. She actually tracks the women down and talks to/emails them ... and the book chronicles her emotions and her struggle to move on with her life.

It's painful enough to deal with the infidelity of your significant other. What do you do when they're dead and you can't scream at them and tell them how much they've hurt you?

This was such a beautifully written book. I could feel Metz's pain when her husband died; when she found out about the first affair. Her husband's psychiatrist said he likely had narcissistic personality disorder ... hmm. More men I know have that than most would realize. But that's for another post. From Metz, when she found out about the first affair (which was with a close family friend and neighbor):

"A gun was too swift, too merciful. I wanted a sword to slit her end to end and then, with one hundred more cuts, dice her body into small pieces and leave the bloodied, quivering remains of skin, muscle, and soulless guts on her front lawn, arranged in a gruesome scarlett letter.
I couldn't kill Henry anymore, since he was, conveniently enough, dead."

Also, something I need to remember and pay heed to in my life:
"Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, the only truth that saves us from eating ourselves alive and causing damage to everyone we love."

2. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man - Steve Harvey

I think every Black woman in America has read this book by now! As my dear soror (and twin!) Bridgett said - it's pretty commonsensical, but a great read, nonetheless. Every girl or woman who grew up without a father in their life needs to read this book! I think I was a bit behind the times in understanding men - but this book and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus helped get me caught up.
Even though there were some things in this book that hurt to hear (like the selection below) - I am so appreciative to have heard them. I can't believe how much I beat myself up thinking it was me when a guy stopped calling ... when, really, it was my values - and if he doesn't share the same values, what do I need with him, anyway? I'm not perfect; but I've got a lot of great qualities. I love to cook; I care a lot for the man I'm with; I'm supportive; loyal; I play the piano; speak three languages ... if a man is so focused on sex that he can't see past that to all the good qualities that I do have, then he's got some physiological condition that he needs to learn to control ...

"[W]hen a man asks for sex, and he is told no, his reaction to that no will tell you everything you need to know about him. If the phone calls cease or become infrequent, the flowers stop coming, the dating slows down, please understand that this man was just in it for the sex. If he says something stupid, such as, 'I don’t need to wait for sex—I can get it from anybody,' you tell him right back, 'Please do.' This cuts the riffraff away right away. But if your saying no doesn’t deter him, and he continues to try to get to know you better and prove to you that he’s worthy of your benefits, then he’s really, truly interested in you. Don’t get me wrong: he’s still interested in the sex. But he’s also interested in knowing how you feel and what time frame you’re working on. Then the relationship becomes about what you want—what your needs are. And that’s what you’re after, right?"

Right!!!

Comments? ... feel free ...

1. Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities - Elizabeth Edwards

Elizabeth Edward's book, Resilience, was simple - but a decent, quick read. Unfortunately, I have to question her motives for writing it. How are you going to come out with a book called Resilience, clearly addressing your husband's infidelity - then refuse to grant an interview to ANY reporter who dares mention the "other woman's" name??

But God bless her. Not only did this strong soul have to deal with her sixteen year old son's death - she had to deal with the very private issue of her husband's infidelity reaching the national spotlight. (Do you know what the "other woman's" pick up line was? "You're hot." How dreadful!)

"I am who I am. I am imperfect in a million ways, but I always thought I was the kind of woman, the kind of wife to whom a husband would be faithful. I had asked for fidelity, begged for it, really, when we married. I never need flowers or jewelry; I don't care about vacations or a nice car. But I need you to be faithful. Leave me, if you must, but be faithful to me if you are with me."