117. Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man - Steve Harvey

As much as my mom and I loved Steve Harvey's last book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, (she still quotes from it like it's the Bible!), I pre-ordered this book on Amazon as soon as I heard about it. I should have known that the second is never as good as the first.

The main crux of this book is to explain what motivates men - and how women can use that to get more of what they need from relationships. In my opinion, one of the better chapters was on how to minimize nagging (something that, according to my boyfriend, I could use some help with!). Something as simple as a man saying he'll do the dishes can turn into a huge argument if his woman goes into the kitchen at 10 p.m. and sees that they're not done. A lot of women would blow up - which, of course, would ruin the mood for everyone. But Harvey gives advice on how to talk to a man in a way that moves him to action - and keeps the peace. Although sometimes commonsensical, Harvey gives some advice that's good to remember: adjust your tone, let your man get to what needs to be done in his own time, choose your bottles, understand what's a priority for men, and don't take over the task - especially with an attitude.

There was also a great chapter on how showing some gratitude can go a long way. "[M]en and women are both expert on taking each other for granted. We treat the everyday efforts we make on behalf of each other as commonplace - something as unnoticeable as our own heartbeats. But just like we praise God for waking us up every morning with the blood still pumping though our veins, we could stand to look our partners in the eyes and say, 'thank you for all that you do.'" SO true!

Harvey also discusses other topics: how women need to get over the whole "men are intimidated by me because I'm successful" thing (it's more because if a woman keeps saying that she has everything and doesn't need a man - then she probably doesn't); and how if you're single and looking, "presentation is everything" (don't write it off: he makes good points).

The reason I don't rave about this book is that it seems that Harvey was just trying to publish another book while he is still hot, knowing that women (like me) who loved the first one would run to buy the second one. However, he didn't say much of anything new. It wasn't a waste of time to read it - but it was probably a waste of money to have bought it.

116. Love Your Life: Living Happy, Healthy, and Whole - Victoria Osteen

I'm a huge fan of Joel Osteen, so I figured I'd be willing to give his wife's book a shot. While it wasn't a complete waste of time or money, I have to be honest and say that Victoria definitely didn't discuss anything new or groundbreaking. This was a pretty run-of-the-mill "self-help" book for women from a Christian perspective. She gives a lot of general advice about things like well-balanced relationships, gaining confidence, and keeping the right perspective on life through various anecdotes and stories from the Bible.

I have to admit that there were a few stories that really touched me. In the chapter about living with confidence, Victoria tells the story about Miss USA competing in the Miss Universe pageant in 2007. During the evening gown competition, she fell on her "backside" in front of the entire ... well, universe! But she got right back up and finished her walk. During the final phase of the competition, a judge asked her: "If you could relive any moment in your life, what moment would you relive?" How many of us would have immediately said something like, "I'd like to relive my life about ten minutes ago in a different pair of heels?" So many times we want to relive our mistakes or our embarrassing moments. But Miss USA talked about reliving the time that she worked with orphans in South Africa. She chose instead to focus on her strengths and relive those instead of focusing on her weaknesses. What a great lesson!

Victoria also gives some great lessons about having patience and communicating well in relationships. One part that really stuck with me is when she said, "Our relationships are precious, valuable treasures from heaven, and we should handle them carefully, always looking for ways to build bridges to each other's hearts. It is so important that we choose to focus on the long-term effects of our decisions instead of the gratification of the moment."

Although this was a decent book, I think the only reason it was a New York Times Bestseller was because of the name recognition from her husband. I wouldn't recommend that anyone put it on their must-read list.

111. Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors - Bill Cosby and Alvin F. Poussaint, M.D.

Come on People is based on the theme of Cosby's popular "call out" sessions where he has drawn attention to the crises among the black community in America and where he has challenged African Americans to restore their families and communities. In this book, Cosby and Poussaint give a very in-depth analysis of issues like violence, drugs, lack of education obesity, poverty, and broken families. From the chapter about violence:

Low self-esteem can cause a kid to do things that are physically and mentally self-destructive. These are lost, mixed-up youths. Kids who are depressed, angry, or suffering from mental illnesses need to get counseling. They may cry out in desperation, but they do not know how to ask for help and too often reject it when it is offered. They'd rather kill to gain a modicum of self-respect than come in from the cold.

The book is written as more of a guide than as just complaints about the state of black America. Cosby and Poussaint encourage readers to be actively involved in the education and upbringing of their children; to stay out of credit card debt; to listen to music that uplifts rather than degrades; and to take their neighborhoods back from drug dealers. In the chapter about going from poverty to prosperity, the authors encourage readers to find legitimate jobs.

Parents and caregivers, have you heard a kid say, "Well I can either flip burgers or go out here and make some real money selling drugs" ? When you hear that, do you stop that child and say, "Wait a minute, fool. You don't flip burgers for the rest of your life. You flip them to become the manager of that place. You flip burgers to move from manager to owner of the damn franchise" ?

While I appreciate the valuable suggestions on ways to overcome these hardships, it was very obvious to me while reading this book that the people who need it most would likely (sadly) not be reading. The authors tell parents to stop using the television to babysit their children; they also tell mothers whose children might admit that they are being fondled by an adult not to allow it to continue just because that adult might be helping with rent or bills. Maybe I'm being pessimistic, but would the mother who sits her kids in front of the TV and who allows her boyfriend who's paying the rent to fondler her daughter really be sitting down to read this book? I hope that it is able to reach the academics, sociologists, clergy, and teachers ... and also the target audience that really needs it.

108. 7 Things He'll Never Tell You ... But You Need to Know - Dr. Kevin Leman

In a similar vein as Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but written more for women, Dr. Kevin Leman breaks down what men need in relationships and explains how women can improve at giving it to them. I know that sounds like it's a book about how to be a subservient doormat to your man ... but it's really more a manual of how to get what you want (and deserve!) in your relationship!
Each chapter covers a different thing that men "won't tell you, but you need to know" - though I don't know that each "thing" was ever summed up in one sentence. At any rate, a common theme throughout the seven chapters is that men, at their cores, need three things: to be loved, to be respected, and to be needed.
My favorite chapter discussed men and sex. According to Dr. Leman (who, by the way, wrote this book from a very Christian perspective), sex is energizing and is the driving force behind a man. It builds his confidence and ego and improves his overall sense of well-being. "If he's in an unfulfilling job, he gets the strength to keep on doing what he's doing because he knows that there is a purpose for his work ... and a willing wife waiting as a reward at the end of his long day." Amazing how men and women can both be of the same species (scientifically speaking) but can view something like sex so differently! [Sidenote - I hope there's a book out there for men on what sex means for women!] Anyway, Dr. Leman also said this:

It's been said that women need a reason for sex. Men only need a place . . . . Men are wired by God to enjoy the feminine form. It's normal for a man who loves his wife to walk by another beautiful woman in a red dress and think, Wow, she's gorgeous. Or for him to turn his head in a restaurant to follow a young woman in a red miniskirt. The wife who thinks, How could you? That's so dirty! is missing the point. The wife who thinks, Hey, so he notices women in red? Mmm, what do I have in my wardrobe? has grasped the point. Later, she will undoubtedly grasp her husband's full attention by wearing that red little something she's got tucked in the back of her closet.

I know, it's much easier said than done to think like that!
In the chapter about men's need to be respected, Dr. Leman breaks down the apostle Paul's rules for marriage in Ephesians, including the verse that people often forget: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." He also gives a very helpful list of rules about how to fight fairly (if you have to fight):

1. Remember that fighting is an act of cooperation.
2. Stay on the subject at hand.
3. Don't be a bone digger, bringing up past stuff.
4. Avoid the words you and never, as in "You never listen to me!"
5. Face each other and hold hands.
6. Have one person talk at a time. Do not interrupt.
7. When one person's done, the other person can respond.
8. After that exchange, clarify only if the issue needs to be clarified (i.e., someone has the wrong perception). Don't kill a dead horse.
9. If things get too hot, call a time out. Kids need recess, and you may too!
10. Don't avoid the topic. After your break, tackle it again the same day. Do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26).

It's been a while since I've read Men are from Mars so I can't say whether to read that book or this one, but I highly recommend this book for all women - single or taken!

101. Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill

This classic business and self-improvement book was first published in 1937, and is arguably one of the most famous self-improvement books today (more than 30 million copies have been sold). It is based on author Napoleon Hill's prior work, The Law of Success, which was the result of research on Hill's close association with people who achieved great wealth during their lifetimes like Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, John D. Rockefeller, and Charles Schwab. Apparently, Andrew Carnegie asked Hill to study the characteristics of these men, and from this Hill developed 15 laws of success and 13 principles of personal achievement.
Some of Hill's "laws" are admittedly a bit "obvious": desire, faith, persistence, etc. But the anecdotes from men like those mentioned above certainly do make this a great read. Also, Hill combines these laws with concrete, practical steps by which by which "desire for riches can be transmuted into its financial equivalent."
One of my favorite chapters discusses the "six basic fears" that are centered around negative emotions and can hold you back from achieving success. They are: the fear of poverty; the fear of criticism; the fear of ill health; the fear of loss of love; the fear of old age; and the fear of death.
There's also a great chapter called "The Mystery of Sex Transmutation." From that chapter:

Sex, alone, is a mighty urge to action, but its forces are like a cyclone--they are often uncontrollable. When the emotion of love begins to mix itself with the emotion of sex, the result is calmness of purpose, poise, accuracy of judgment, and balance .... When driven by his desire to please a woman, based solely upon the emotion of sex, a man may be, and usually is, capable of great achievement, but his actions may be disorganized, distorted, and totally destructive. When driven by his desire to please a woman, based upon the motive of sex alone, a man may steal, cheat, and even commit murder. But when the emotion of LOVE is mixed with the emotion of sex, that same man will guide his actions with more sanity, balance, and reason.

After I read this book, I realized that all other business/self-improvement books I've read get their wisdom from this one. So instead of reading all the other ones that are out there, just check out this must-read classic.

99. What Is This Thing Called I? - Allen C. Carter

In this book, clinical psychologist Allen Carter explains how our minds often function by obeying "commandments" dictated by false gods that he calls "the creator god," "the we-god," and the "i-god." He explains how we can overcome being victims of these commandments by identifying who we truly are, through what Carter calls "the ten acceptances and their gifts."

In the chapter about one of the "i-god" commandments about how we often believe that we are unworthy and guilty with shameful pasts, Carter explains how forgiveness can often free us from these feelings of guilt.

True forgiveness recognizes that there is no guilt and never was! People just do what they do. Behavior is neutral. It is our judgment that makes the behavior right or wrong ... Yet, what about those others who hurt us, who did not love us, who used us, or abused us? What about them? The answer, dear reader, is "Forgive them for they know not what they do," or more accurately, they do not know who they are. They do not know that they are loved unconditionally. If they did, they would not hurt us, abuse us, or leave us.

I wasn't a fan of the first part of this book: it's supposed to the dialog in a class that he taught at Morehouse College, though the "dialog" seemed a bit phony and forced. But the next four parts were written better. The book fits pretty squarely into the lump category of self-help books by Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and others. The only difference is that it was by a black author and he often talks about the black experience while exploring these subjects. Overall: a decent book.

83. Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential - Joel Osteen

In this self-improvement book (ahem, or book on CD ...), televangelist Joel Osteen, a.k.a. the "smiling pastor" shares seven principles that he used to help him get to where he is in life. The crux of Osteen's message is that you can achieve a successul and prosperous life if you stop blaming yourself for the past and if you make the most of the present by using you God-given talents and strengths.
The seven principles (steps) are: (1) Enlarge Your Vision; (2) Develop a Healthy Self-Image; (3) Discover the Power of Your Thoughts and Words; (4) Let go of the Past; (5) Find Strength Through Adversity; (6) Live to Give; and (7) Choose to Be Happy.
I love Joel Osteen because he uses Christian teachings to share very universal messages; he also weaves in anecdotes from his own life and experiences told to him by his parishioners. One part that I definitely plan on keeping at the forefront of my mind:

... you must rid yourself of that small-minded thinking and start expecting God's blessing, start anticipating promotion and supernatural increase. You must conceive it in your heart and mind before you can receive it. In other words, you must make room for increase in your own thinking, then God will bring those things to pass. Until you learn how to enlarge your vision, seeing the future through your eyes of faith, your own wrong thinking will prevent good things from happening in your life. God will not pour fresh, creative ideas and blessings into old attitudes.

I definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants some practical steps on how to better themselves, regardless of their religion.

82. The Greatest Salesman in the World - Og Mandino

This short book, in the form of a parable, was packed with powerful principles behind salesmanship though the principles are definitely universal. The story is about a man named Hafid in pre-Christianity Jerusalem who learns from a wealthy and successful trader. When the trader was a young man, he was given ten scrolls by a man with instructions to guard them with his life but to pass them on before he died. So the trader decides to share the lessons on the scrolls with Hafid. The first lesson is entitled "Today I begin a new life" and has instructions for forming the habit that will lead to the successful adoption of the principles contained in the following scrolls. The other scrolls contain lessons like, "I will greet this day with love in my heart"; "I will persist until I succeed"; "I am nature's greatest miracle and I am a unique creature of nature"; and "I will live this day as if it is my last."

One of my favorite lessons is from scroll II:

Henceforth will I look on all things with love and I will be born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.

I also loved this passage, from scroll VII:

For all worldly things shall indeed pass. When I am heavy will heartache I shall console myself that this too shall pass; when I am puffed with success I shall warn myself that this too shall pass. When I am strangled in poverty I shall tell my self that this too will pass: when I am burdened with wealth I shall tell myself that this too shall pass. Yea, verily, where is he who built the pyramid, one day, not also be buried under sand? If all things shall pass why should I be concerned for today?

This is a more unique variety of self-improvement book that I would definitely recommend reading. Thank you to Justin for lending it to me!

81. Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom

I have been reading some books by some fabulous authors recently! This is the third book by Mitch Albom that I've read (others: For One More Day and The Five People You Meet in Heaven, pre-blog), and I've been super-impressed by all of them.
Anyway, this is a non-fiction book about Morrie Schwartz, a sociology professor at Brandeis University, who is dying from Lou Gehrig's disease. The author, Mitch Albom, had taken Morrie's classes back in college and was actually very close to him - but he had not corresponded with Morrie for several years (although he had promised to). After Albom sees a story about Morrie on Nightline, he tracks Morrie down and begins to visit him regularly. Morrie is at peace with the idea that he is going to die very soon - he has even come to peace with the fact that someone has to "wipe his ass" since he is no longer able to do it himself.

I was astonished by his complete lack of self-pity. Morrie, who could
no longer dance, swim, bathe, or walk; Morrie, who could no longer answer his own door, dry himself after a shower, or even roll over in bed. How could
he be so accepting? I watched him struggle with his fork, picking at a
piece of tomato, missing it the first two times - a pathetic scene, and yet I
could not deny that sitting in his presence was almost magically serene, the
same calm breeze that soothed me back in college.

During their visits, Morrie imparts a lot of life lessons to Albom. I especially liked the lessons in the chapter entitled "We Talk about Marriage":

"Well, I feel sorry for your generation," Morrie said. "In this culture, it's so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. They don't know what they want in a partner. They don't know who they are themselves - so how can they know who they're marrying? ...

There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.

And the biggest one of those values, Mitch? ... Your belief in the importance of your marriage."

Woven in with these lessons are hints at what is going on in Albom's life (he seems to care a lot more about work than his family) and in larger society (the O.J. Simpson trial) ... events which are in stark contrast to what Morrie is trying to teach.

What I like the most about Albom is that all of the books I've read by him are of the self-help/self-improvement variety - but they're all so different. I feel like books by other self-help authors like Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra are all the same after a while. Instead of just telling you a worthwhile life lesson, Albom weaves lessons into beautifully written stories, and it's more up to you to pull from them what you need to. I think For One More Day is still my favorite Albom book, but I most definitely recommend this one, too.

62. The Way of the Wizard: Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want

In this book, Deepak Chopra shares twenty spiritual lessons for taking control of your spiritual journey. Raging from love to selflessness to identity, Chopra presents these lessons from a sort of philosophical - slash - religious perspective.
Much of the book was a bit too mushy and "new-agey" for my taste; but there were some great lessons. For example:

"When you say you are in love, what you're really saying is that an image you carry around has been satisfied. This is how attachment begins, with attachment to an image ... Look beyond your emotions, which will always change, and ask what lies behind the image."

Also: "In the same way most of the events you call misfortunes or even divine punishment are really born of compassion, for God always takes the kindest way to correct imbalances in nature. It is you who build up these imbalances , which He must purify in order to save you from deeper misfortune."

The main thing that makes this book different from Chopra's other self-improvement books (or really, anyone else's since they all start to seem the same after a while) is the way in which it's told - it's divided up into twenty lessons, and each lesson is divided up into a story of a lesson that Arthur learns from Merlin the Wizard (because each of us have a "wizard" within us); a section about understanding the lessons; and one about living the lesson.

60. Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now - Maya Angelou

This is a beautiful collection of short, inspirational pieces by poet Maya Angelou. Angelou shares her thoughts on topics like morality, perseverance, friendship, love, and manners, and weaves in her own life experiences.
This passage epitomizes the theme throughout the book:

"...by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends."

One of my favorite pieces is called "Getups":

"If I am comfortable inside my skin, I have the ability to make other people comfortable inside their skins although their feelings are not my primary reason for making my fashion choice ... then I am so comfortable that whatever I wear looks good on me even to the external fashion arbiters .... Seek the fashion which truly fits and befits you. You will always be in fashion if you are true to yourself, and only if you are true to yourself."

Reading this book reminded me of when I took Dr. Angelou's class at Wake Forest ... and how whenever we would beg her to read to us one of her poems, she would make sure that we weren't following along in our books because she would always change the words!
This was a beautiful, quick read - a great gift idea, as well.

52. The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships - Hill Harper

I was a bit apprehensive before reading this book. "Hill Harper is single - so what gives him the authority to write this?" But he in no way comes off as a know-it-all about relationships. Really, he comes off as part of "the conversation," too - learning along with his readers.

The premise behind this book is that the lack of communication between black men and women is threatening the relationships that are necessary to sustain the black family. Harper discusses a wide range of issues - finances, sex, what men want, what women want, interracial relationships, etc. - in his analysis of why only 30% of black children are being raised in two-parent households and why not enough black couples are able to hold a marriage together.

This books has elements of advice (some parts reminded me of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, but ... well, more Hill Harper and less Steve Harvey) and stories about Harper's own life ... but it's unique in the way Harper intertwines lessons that he's learned from conversations with people in his life (married/single/divorced).

Here's one part that I found particularly interesting in a passage about how finances often cause the most arguments in relationships:

"As a group, Blacks are the largest debtors in the world. Living with debt hanging over out heads causes stress. That stress affects our moods, our quality of life, and our ability to connect with others ... We as a people have indebtgestion even though we are earning more money than we ever have before. Part of the problem is that we are running through our credit at alarming rates, and the resulting debt is affecting our relationships. This indebtgestion may be the true cause of why the Black family is ill."

This was a wonderful book; to my knowledge, his first that is geared towards adults.

51. Letters to a Young Sister: DeFINE Your Destiny - Hill Harper

This is a great book by the beautiful Hill Harper (CSI: NY; Get on the Bus ... Brown University; Harvard Law with Obama; etc.). Written in the style of letters to a teenage girl going through all sorts of typical teenage issues, Harper offers advice on topics such as relationships, family, men, racism, sexism, self-empowerment, career choices, faith, and service. At the end of each chapter are questions posed via email, answered by famous women including Michelle Obama, Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, Nikki Giovanni, Ruby Dee, and Ciara.

One thing Harper said that I really like was about the "high-tech/low-touch society" we are living in.

"Because so many of us are using technology ... to communicate rather than being face-to-face, it allows us men to lie much more easily. Attempting to have a serious, real conversation with someone using technology is not the way to do it. You can't look them in the eye, see their expression or their body language, or all those other things that allow your intuition to get a feel for whether what you're hearing is the truth or a lie."

I do feel that this book is more suited for a younger audience, i.e. adolescents, maybe college students. For example, an email asks, "Hill, a lot of my friends and people on TV say that boys are liars, boys are jerks ... What do you think I should look for in a boy?" Nonetheless, grown women can definitely benefit from and be reminded of these lessons, too. And reading this book made it an easy choice for what I'll get my cousin who just started high school, and her slightly older brother, for Christmas! (Harper also wrote Letters to a Young Brother).

The next book I plan on reading is Harper's newest book, The Conversation: How Black Men and Black Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships. I'm sure that one is geared a little more towards my age group, and am looking forward to it!

(Oh - and how many people knew that his full name is Francis Hill Harper? That's okay. I'd still marry him.)

45. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

Overall ... this was a good book. The authors first talk about emotional intelligence ("EQ"): the ability to identify and manage one's own emotions and to be aware of others' emotions. An interesting piece of information about the "science side" of EQ is that our brains are hard-wired to give emotions the upper hand (over logic):

"[E]verything you see, smell, hear, taste and touch travels through your body in the form of electric signals. The signals pass from cell to cell until they reach their ultimate destination, your brain. They enter your brain at the base near the spinal cord, but must travel to your frontal lobe ... before reaching the place where rational, logical thinking takes place. The trouble is, they pass through your limbic system along the way - the place where emotions are produced. This journey ensures you experience things emotionally before your reason can kick into gear."

Also, according to the authors, IQ (intelligence quotient) is fixed at birth, absent a traumatic event like a brain injury. "Intelligence is your ability to learn, and is the same at age 15 as it is at age 50. EQ, on the other hand, is a flexible skill that can be learned."

The bulk of this book sets forth strategies on increasing your EQ based on four key EQ skills: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Like so many other books, this one was very cutesy-story-heavy (if you've been keeping up with my blog, I'm clearly not a fan of that!). And maybe I've been reading too much, but I really didn't think it said anything new. [Also - how does the Dalai Lama manage to write the forward for every book that deals with emotional intelligence?!]

If you want to read something about emotional intelligence I'd recommend Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart by Tara Bennett-Goleman.

44. The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition - Gary Chapman

I'd heard a lot about this book a few years ago - and I'm glad I finally read it. The premise behind it is that people are best able to speak and understand emotional love when it is expressed through one of five "languages": quality time; words of affirmation; receiving gifts; acts of service; or physical touch. Chapman argues that many of us may be able to speak and understand several of these, but that everyone has a primary or "native" language in which we are most comfortable expressing and receiving love. Chapman writes from a Christian perspective and I like his use of passages from the Bible in support of his arguments.

The original book is supposedly more geared towards married couples; this one (the "singles edition") explains how understanding these love languages can be helpful while dating, and also in relationships within your family, among your friends, and at work.

This book was incredibly anecdote-heavy, but the core message was great. Although Chapman doesn't talk much about gender differences, I believe that they play a huge role as well ...that's why Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus remains one of my all-time favorite books! This book has my recommendation - but skim through the anecdotes, they get mushy and all sound the same after a while.

30. How Starbucks Saved My Life: A Son of Privilege Learns to Live Like Everyone Else - Michael Gates Gill

Michael Gates Gill, the son of a well-known writer for The New Yorker, led a privileged childhood. When he told his parents that he wanted to take piano lessons, they bought him a Steinway grand piano that a crane had to lift into their 25-room mansion. After being educated at Yale, he was basically handed a job as a prosperous advertising executive. This job provided him with (lots of) financial security - even if it meant rarely spending time at home with his wife and four children. Then, three things happened: (1) he got fired, (2) he got another woman pregnant and his wife left him, and (3) he learned he had a brain tumor. He ended up getting a job at Starbucks - an experience that changed his life.
Gill is such a charismatic writer and I was surprised at - and admire - his candor in this book. His boss at Starbucks is a black woman, and he has to adjust to being the only white person working there. From one part:

"I had been a classic hypocritical member of an old boys' club, congratulating myself for believing in minority advancement in the abstract, while doing everything possible in the practical world of the workplace - which I controlled - to make such opportunity impossible."

Although my situation is certainly not as extreme as his was, I do see a lot of parallels in our lives - and I learned a lot from him and the way he approached his new job.

"My old job involved sitting as a customer in Starbucks unable to find customers of my own. What a relief to have customers eager to greet me rather than my calling for clients like I had done in my old business, and no one wanting to take my calls. I loved greeting these early morning Guests, and serving them. They probably had no idea what a gift it was simply to have them waiting eagerly in line to see me."

This was such a great, inspiring, genuine, and funny book. It almost made me want to give up my loyalty to Caribou Coffee and Borders and test the waters at Starbucks again ... almost :)

28. The Power of Small: Why Little Things Make All the Difference - Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval

Most of us are too busy to realize it: but paying attention to the smaller things in life can improve your effectiveness in professional and personal situations. That's the crux of this quick, simple read by two marketing businesswomen. They talk about how small things like face to face contact instead of emailing all the time can really do wonders for your professional and personal relationships. A New York Times journalist said that Facebook is like an "endless cocktail party where everybody shows up at a different time and slaps a yellow post-it note on the refrigerator." Thaler and Koval make the point that this type of internet and technology phenomenon is a huge reason why social phobia has become the third most common mental illness in the U.S.
They also mention something that psychiatrist Edward Hallowell calls ADT - "attention deficit trait." From some research, I found that ADT is different from ADD because it is the result of the modern workplace "where the constant and relentless chatter coming from our computers, phones and other high-tech devices is diluting our mental powers." [That is exactly what I was saying when I noticed my vocabulary decreasing after I got my Blackberry and got on Twitter. Yet another reason for this read-a-thon ... I have to counterbalance for my Generation Y addictions!] I need to find a book by this guy - but in the meantime, here's a great article about ADT: http://news.cnet.com/Why-cant-you-pay-attention-anymore/2008-1022_3-5637632.html
The authors make other great points like discussing the principles behind remembering to take a moment to thank someone for a job interview, taking baby steps in accomplishing your goals, and doing random acts of kindness like escorting an old man to a room he's looking for (I did that once last year - and the man turned out to be the judge in my final trial for trial practice!). Like Expect to Win, I didn't think this was a ground-breaking book ... but sometimes it's good to be reminded of these principles, and this book does so in a positive, articulate, and easily readable way.

27. Expect to Win: Proven Strategies for Success from a Wall Street Vet - Carla Harris

This was my first book from the "business" section of Borders - and I'd like to start frequenting that section more often. The author, Carla Harris, is a managing director at Morgan Stanley. She offers her "pearls" of guidance - lessons she learned from twenty years of experience on Wall Street that can help anyone (especially great advice for women) maneuver through challenges of the workplace. My favorite tidbits:

- In discussing self-presentation, Harris gives a formula that is great to keep in mind: "Your self-presentation + the baggage of the beholder = the perception about you in the marketplace."

- In creating a perception and conditioning people to think of you in the way that you want them to, ask yourself this question: "How do I want people to describe me when I'm not in the room?" Harris recommends that you identify at least three adjectives you would want people to use when they talk about you when you are not present. This is important, she says, because all of the major decisions about your career are made when you are not in the room and can't speak for yourself!

- The best chapter, in my opinion, was the one on finding a mentor. Harris identifies three categories of what most people generically call "mentors": (1) the adviser, (2) the mentor, and (3) the sponsor. The adviser is someone you turn to for discrete advice - someone preferably in your field and company. The mentor is the person you can talk to about the "good, the bad, and the ugly" of your career - and with whom you can share more of your personal business and goals. The sponsor is someone in your field - preferably a supervisor - who has clout in your company and can stick up for you.

Unfortunately, this book was a typical women's self-help book in a lot of ways: "know what you want," "know your goals and go after them," etc., and lots of cutesy anecdotes. I did notice a few typos ("roll model"? Really?) - I know I'm not a perfect writer, but I can't stand when I pay for something and there are typos in it! [Barbri ... take note of that!]

All in all, this was a good read as I'm coming out of school and getting ready to start work. Thanks to Kyle for the rec on this one. If anyone has recommendations of other books in this genre - please post a comment and let me know!

26. The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch

The author of this book, Randy Pausch, was a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon. He was asked to give a talk entitled "The Last Lecture" - one in which he'd "be asked to consider his demise and ruminate on what mattered most to him." Most professors try to impart what they would want to share with their students if they knew it was their last chance. But Pausch didn't have to imagine it'd be his last lecture, because he had just been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer - so he already knew it'd be one of his last.

In his lecture, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his childhood dreams and about enabling the dreams of others. Two of my favorite lessons:

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

"A lot of people want a shortcut. And the best shortcut is the long way which is basically two words: work hard."

This was a great book, written in such a positive, touching, and humorous way - I was really rooting for Pausch and praying for him to beat his cancer, until I realized the book was published in April 2008 and he died that July. I felt really impacted by the pain he felt in knowing that he was going to leave his children without a father; and also by what his wife must have been going through. In one chapter, Pausch explained that he was scheduled to travel and give his lecture on the day of his wife's birthday. So when he finished the lecture, he had a birthday cake wheeled out and had the whole auditorium sing happy birthday to her. When she went up on stage to give him a hug, she held on tightly to him and whispered in his ear, "Please don't die ..." Even though I was reading in Borders, I definitely shed a few tears when I got to that part.

Pausch shares beautiful and touching life lessons in this book ... interwoven with his very real and tragic life experiences. Thanks to Dana for the recommendation :)

22. 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace - Dr. Wayne Dyer

You can never go wrong with Dr. Dyer! Although Borders always classifies these books as "self-help," I'm not a fan of that term. It sounds like something is wrong with you for going to that section - like you need "help." I prefer "self-improvement," or something of the sort.
Anyway, this book talks about ten great principles for "improving" your life. Instead of listing all of them, I'll just highlight my favorite three:

There are no justified resentments. Dr. Dyer is so right when he says that "anytime you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to manipulate." It takes so much more energy to be angry at people - it burdens your soul even more than you probably realize. "At the root of virtually all spiritual practices is the notion of forgiveness. This was what came out of Jesus of Nazareth while he was being tortured on a cross by a Roman soldier throwing a spear into his side. It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of revenge and resentment from your life completely." Even though many of us try to justify why we are angry at others for what they have done to us - it ends up causing us more harm. "Resentment is like venom that continues to pour through your system, doing its poisonous damage long after being bitten by the snake. It's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom. You can remove venom by making a decision to let go of resentments."
It's a tough lesson - but one that is so true.

Treat yourself as if you already are what you'd like to be. This principle helps to keep you inspired; and that inspiration (from the words "in" and "spirit") is what guides us to work for what we want out of life. "When you become inspired and act as if what you want is already here, you'll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to make this your reality."
I also love what he says about synchronicity and inspiration - "There are no coincidences. Anything that coincides is said to fit together powerfully ... You'll think about a particular person and that individual will 'mysteriously' appear ... these so-called mysteries will soon be viewed by you as part of the synchronicity of the universe working with you and your highly energized thoughts." I used to doubt this - until I started realizing that this is really the idea behind prayer. When we ask God to help us with something, we are sending energy to Him and toward that particular desire.

Wisdom is avoiding all thoughts that weaken you. Dr. Dyer explains that shame is the thought that makes people the weakest, followed by guilt, apathy, fear, and anger. We can switch from these low-vibration thoughts to higher-vibration thoughts (like love and forgiveness) by asking God to help us - "You'll be surprised by how quickly that higher energy of love will nullify and dissolve your fearful thoughts and empower you at the same time."

Like The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, this is a wonderful book to go to when you are going through a difficult time and you need to look at something for spiritual guidance. It's also a great gift idea!